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How do you tell my boyfriend he needs therapy?
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You don’t. But you should.
If you’re reading this because you want to talk about something really serious with your boyfriend, chances are you’re not alone. And while it may seem like a simple problem � just come right out and ask him to seek help � it’s actually much harder than you might expect. That’s why it’s important to understand exactly what kind of problems you’re dealing with, and how best to approach them.
First off, let’s define what exactly constitutes a mental health issue. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, mental illness affects nearly one in four Americans at some point in their lives, and depression is the leading cause of disability among adults ages 15 to 44. In fact, according to NAMI, approximately 1 million children under age 18 suffer from severe anxiety disorders every year, making it the second most common disorder affecting kids behind ADHD.
So if you’re worried about your boyfriend’s emotional state, you’re definitely not alone. But the truth is, you shouldn’t necessarily assume that his issues stem from anything specifically related to being gay. Instead, you should consider whether his behavior could be symptomatic of something else entirely. For example, maybe he’s struggling with addiction, or maybe he’s suffering from PTSD. Or maybe he’s simply depressed.
And while you may be tempted to jump right in and confront him about whatever concerns you, remember that it’s always easier said than done. After all, you’re likely already feeling anxious yourself, and you’re also probably still trying to figure out whether or not you should bring up your worries in the first place.
That’s why it makes sense to take a step back and evaluate your relationship first. Are you happy together? Do you feel like you’re getting along well? Have you ever discussed your feelings about his sexuality? If not, nows the time to start.
Once you’ve gotten clarity on your own situation, you’ll be in a much better position to decide whether or not you should broach the subject of his mental health. If you’re concerned about his wellbeing, however, you absolutely should speak up. Here’s how to do it without coming off as accusatory or judgmental.
1. Be clear about what you’re asking.
Before you begin talking about his mental health, it helps to be crystal clear about what you’re looking for. You’re certainly free to express concern about his mood swings, or his tendency to disappear for days at a time. But if you’re hoping to discuss his substance abuse, or his suicidal thoughts, you’ll need to be specific.
For example, instead of saying, Hey, Im worried about you, you could say, I noticed that you havent been sleeping lately. Is everything okay? Similarly, rather than telling him, Youre acting weird, you could ask, Are you experiencing any stress?
2. Dont blame yourself.
Is it because we broke up?
When you break up with someone, there’s no doubt that it hurts. But sometimes, when you’re hurt, you need to take some time to heal yourself.
If you’ve been broken up with for a long time, you may be wondering whether it was because you were too needy, too clingy, or just not enough. Whatever the reason, you deserve better than being treated badly. So if you’ve been dumped, here are three ways to tell him he needs therapy.
Does he need counseling?
If you’re wondering whether your boyfriend needs help, here are some signs that he may be suffering from depression.
1) He doesn’t seem interested in his own life anymore.
2) He spends most of his free time watching TV or playing video games.
3) He seems sad when he talks about himself.
4) He avoids social situations.
5) He sleeps too much.
6) He eats poorly.
7) He loses interest in sex.
8) He becomes angry easily.
9) He has trouble making decisions.
10) He feels worthless.
11) He thinks about death.
Should I call his parents?
If you’re worried about hurting your boyfriend’s feelings, then calling his parents may be the right decision. However, if you’re concerned about him getting help, then it’s better to talk to him directly.
Before calling his parents, though, ask yourself whether you should actually bother them at this point. Is there any reason you need to contact them? Are you just feeling guilty because you’ve been dating for a long time and haven’t told him yet?
If you decide to call his parents, try not to be too direct. Instead, say something along the lines of, “Hey, I was thinking about telling you guys we’re going out, but I wanted to give you some time to cool off.” This gives you the opportunity to let them know you care about them and that you’d rather avoid upsetting them.
After talking to his parents, you can either wait until he comes home or call him directly. Either way, remember to keep things lighthearted. Don’t bring up the topic again unless he brings it up himself.
To summarise
If you think your partner might benefit from some professional help, here are some ways to approach the subject without hurting their feelings.