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Is it normal to feel neglected in a relationship?
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It’s not unusual to feel neglected in a romantic relationship. But it’s important to recognize that feeling neglected isn’t always bad. In fact, it may actually help you grow closer together.
According to Dr. John Gottman, author of How To Make Marriage Work, couples who feel neglected tend to become more intimate with one another. They also tend to talk about their feelings more openly, which makes them feel less alone.
So next time you feel neglected, don’t take it personally. Instead, ask yourself why you’re feeling neglected. Are you doing something wrong? Or maybe you just haven’t said enough nice things lately.
If you want to avoid feeling neglected in future relationships, keep in mind that being neglected is often a sign of a healthy relationship. And while it might hurt at the moment, it could ultimately lead to deeper intimacy down the road.
The Difference Between Neglect and Abuse
Neglect is when you’re not paying enough attention to your partner. This may be because you’re preoccupied with work, tired, or just plain busy.
Abuse is when you treat your partner badly, physically or emotionally. This includes hitting, yelling, threatening, controlling behavior, etc.
If you find yourself feeling neglected, try to understand where this comes from. Is it possible that you’ve been neglecting your partner? Or maybe he/she isn’t giving you the attention you deserve.
If you suspect abuse, talk to your partner. Don’t let him/her continue to mistreat you. If necessary, seek help from family members, friends, or a counselor.
Signs You’re Being Neglected
If you’re feeling neglected in a relationship, there may be signs you’re being ignored. Here are some red flags to watch out for:
• Your partner doesn’t call when he says he will.
• He cancels plans at the last minute.
• He forgets important dates.
• He ignores your calls and texts.
• He stops answering questions about his feelings.
• He avoids talking about problems.
• He keeps secrets from you.
• He lies about things he knows you’d find upsetting.
• He makes excuses for not meeting you.
• He becomes angry when you ask him about his behavior.
• He talks negatively about you behind your back.
How to Tell When Someone’s Abusing You
Abusers often deny abusing others, and victims may not realize they’re being abused until it’s too late. Here are some signs that your partner is abusive:
• They yell at you when you ask them to be considerate.
• They blame you for things that aren’t your fault.
• They threaten to hurt themselves or others.
• They lie about who they’ve been with, where they’ve been, or what they’ve done.
• They control every aspect of your life, including what you eat, wear, watch, listen to, and read.
If any of these apply to your relationship, please seek help right away. Don’t let this person destroy your life.
How to Stop the Cycle of Neglect
Neglecting your partner isn’t healthy. And when neglect turns into abuse, it becomes toxic.
If you’re feeling neglected, here are some ways to stop the cycle of neglect:
1) Be honest with yourself. Is there something wrong with your relationship? Are you being treated unfairly? Do you need to change something about yourself?
2) Talk to your partner. Tell them how you feel, and ask for help. They may not be able to fix everything right away, but at least they’ll understand where you’re coming from.
3) Take care of yourself. Don’t let your feelings of neglect turn into self-pity. Instead, take steps to improve your life. This includes eating well, exercising regularly, getting enough sleep, and taking breaks from work.
4) Find support. Reach out to friends and family members who care about you. Ask them to listen to you and offer suggestions.
5) Change your environment. Move somewhere new, and try living alone for a week. See if this helps you feel better.
6) Start fresh. Make a list of things you’d like to change about your relationship. Then, set goals for each area. For example, maybe you want to spend more quality time together, or learn to communicate better.
7) Remember that you deserve respect. Your partner doesn’t owe you anything. So, if you feel neglected, remember that you should treat others the same way you expect to be treated.
Final note
When someone ignores their partner, they may think they are being kind by giving them space, but in reality, they are just hurting themselves.